Well, it’s been a long day and lately I’ve been thinking a little bit about Robert. I still daydream about the future I plan to have with him, but I feel that my affections are slowly fading away for him. It makes me really sad, but maybe it’s for the best. He still has his own life to fulfill and women much better than me to seek out, and I know I can’t compete with that. Robbie deserves all the greatest things life has to offer, and I hope that whoever he chooses to be with forever will make him the happiest he can be.
I don’t want to let go of him, and I never planned to, but somehow it feels like the time has come and I have to accept that. Even if I continue to refuse it, I’d only keep feeding the fire of my hopes and dreams for nothing.
I’ll just keep hoping and hoping from time to time that we can be together forever some day, and if him and I are meant to be, then it’s both our happy endings. If not, he was definitely worth the try, and our memories were the best I could ever cherish.
I love him very much, and all I want is for him to be happy for the rest of his life- even if it’s not with me.
It’s been a couple of days since we last talked, but he drops a message to me from time to time. He seems to be busy with real life just as much as me, and I sometimes wonder how we will manage to spend time together anymore since I’ll be too busy with school.
I just hope no matter what situations we go through, we’ll end up together some day. If not, I did my best to be there for him and give him all of me and I’ll never regret anything I’ve given and have done for him.
I’ve been having a lot of dreams about Robert lately. I remembered the first one that I had 2 days ago was a good dream- I couldn’t remember what happened exactly, but all I know was that it was a really lovely dream. I woke up shortly after, and fell back asleep to have another dream about him where we met at a buffet and he was sitting across from a table staring at me. It was a breathtaking moment and I cherish it very dearly.
Another dream I had when I woke up this morning was that his mother told me that I couldn’t talk to him or hang out with him anymore, because I was a bad influence for him. I remembered clearly how I felt when she coldly said no when I asked her if me and him could talk and hang out. Gosh, I wish that won’t ever happen in real life! Later in that dream, I told Robert that his mom forbid me to talk to him and hang out with him, and he kept asking me why I couldn’t. She wasn’t very nice to me in the dream. I felt very sad.
There was another dream I remembered where I could teleport anywhere in the world, but I regretted not teleporting to Sweden because I had used up my teleportation chances. I was very angry in my dream.
Anyway, all of these things are just from what I always hope for some day. I really wish I could teleport anywhere though- that would be cool. Visiting him would be my first choice.
I feel a bit sad because it feels like we are slowly drifting away from each other, and I don’t like that. I don’t want to show how clingy I am by always messaging him, although I wish he wouldn’t get annoyed of me if I ever did that. I just wonder where he runs off to when he stops replying to me or doesn’t talk to me. I wonder if he has dreams about me like I do with him.
I hope things will go back to normal again some day. I miss all the attention he used to give me when he really showed how much he liked me.
I often stay up late at night to take a moment and think about Robert and what we go through every day with each other. I feel that last night, I wasn’t being so supportive or showed that I cared about his feelings. He said that he wasn’t feeling well, and instead of me asking him what was wrong (even though it might have been that he was sick), I just told him, “I hope you feel better soon.” That really didn’t sound very concerning, and I guess that’s why he hasn’t messaged me back after that.
I feel terrible right now for not asking him what was wrong when I had the chance to. I’m a horrible, horrible person. I was just thinking about myself and how he would react to what I say. I wish I could message him right now and tell him how sorry I am for being so inconsiderate last night about his feelings.
He also asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him, and I said that I would like to, but I had to go shower. I feel like a total idiot for choosing to shower first than watch a movie with him. I really understand if Robert’s a bit upset with me now, and I feel slightly shameful. I felt very rude yesterday towards him, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he never wanted to talk to me again.
I remembered when we were talking, and he said that he had to go sleep. We said goodnight, and I asked him if he would give me a kiss before he left, and the way he gave me a kiss was him saying, “Kiss kiss”. I thought it was the most adorable thing he’s ever done. My heart melted when he said that, because it was the cutest thing ever!
I also remembered when we were talking the other night, and I told him the nickname my sister calls me, and the one that my mom calls me. I told him to not call me the one my mom calls me, and he said okay. But when I told him, he started calling me it. I really hate it, and I told him that if he doesn’t stop, I’d stab him in the face. Of course, I don’t mean it and would never do that, but he said, “That’s a little rough.” I thought it was funny, and so did he. I feel like he never takes me seriously anymore, unfortunately. It makes me a little sad.