Yesterday, I was not in the best of mood to speak to him, so we didn’t watch a movie together nor talked like we usually would on weekends. I did feel like crap afterwards, and I wish I could have watched the movie and talked to him even when I wasn’t in a good mood- that would have made my night a lot.

Nowadays, I would go to sleep imagining myself laying down next to him and every morning, I would wake up imagining him still sleeping beside me while I stretch. I miss those nights when we used to talk to each other until he falls asleep.

It has been a year since we’ve met, and I’m so happy. I had a dream about him yesterday. I dreamed that he wasn’t attractive like he would usually be- in fact, he looked so different in my dream, which was weird- but somehow, I remembered having that warm feeling that I still have for him. I still loved him even when I thought he wasn’t very attractive anymore. 

Finally, a wonderful dream that I had of him and it showed that I really do still have these feelings for him. 

Sometimes I wonder what he does when we’re not talking. I wonder if he thinks about me at all, because I always think about him. 

It’s been 4 days since we’ve last spoken. I bet he found someone else already.

Well it seems as though I am slowly abandoning this blog. As time goes on, I am running out of thoughts and things to say about Robert. After one year of our adventures, it feels like we’ve gotten nowhere. Sure, I am left with a beautiful collection of memories to deposit in my treasure box, but for some reason, I just don’t feel anything anymore when I think about them. 

I no longer have those nights where I just sit around, wonder about him in frustration, and cry. In fact, I don’t feel sad about anything anymore. Maybe I don’t love him like I always thought I did. Maybe I stopped loving him. I no longer feel super ecstatic whenever he’d message me anymore. It’s almost as if I feel for him the same way I would feel for any other friend of mine- normal. 

I guess deep down inside, I know that he doesn’t care for me the same way I do for him, and he doesn’t and will never love me the way I loved him. I don’t regret anything that I’ve done for him. I’m still very happy to have his company and I can never ask for more. Somewhere in my heart, I still hope that him and I will be together. I still want him to see me as the only girl that makes him happy. I wish he knew how I deeply felt for him all these months. I still look forward to the day that we can get married and live together forever. 

I honestly cannot see myself with anyone else but him. Because of him, I knew what it felt like to really fall for someone. Of course, I still think he’s the perfect guy and I will always see him that way. 

Sometimes, I just wonder if he thinks about me. I still wish that he really liked me. I know I do. I’m just unsure whether I love him like I did before. Deep down inside, I know I’ll never have him. If I did, then god bless.